The fear of finding your voice

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I went to my first open mic night and I didn’t die.

It was very much a fuck around and find out kind of experience. I worried about whether my poem was complete trash, but my main goal was just to get the first one done so I could prove to myself I could (a year after saying I would do it one day).

No, I barely tasted the chicken burger I scarfed down before the show started. Yes, I might have glugged my lager a little too quickly.

Waiting for my turn was the hardest part, and I secretly hoped the packed line-up would mean they wouldn’t get to me.

By the time I started reading…it was pretty chill? My voice didn’t shake and I didn’t spew fried chicken all over the hosts’ feet, which is a win. It was still a relief to slam my notebook shut and walk off the stage, half second-guessing each word I'd read.

By the time I sat back down, though, I remembered why I love to do things that scare me, even if I freaking HATE the lead-up: It makes me want to do even better the next time.

It will still be scary the second go-around, and probably the third and fourth.

But, by testing my “poet’s voice,” I’ll get clearer on what that voice actually is.

Whether it’s your poetic voice or your brand voice, you gotta mess around a lot before you find it. Then mess around some more because, chances are, it’s going to evolve.

And as much as it sucks big-time, you might have to prioritize fear while you try things on for size.

You won't get up on your very first stage—or publish your very first website—and know for certain that you’ve mastered your message.

It’ll take some play and scary days to know what you wanna say.

And that’s okay. It's how you pave your way.

(I promise the poem I read wasn't that bad)